Today I’m going to share with you a snippet of Emma’s greatest sadness – the day she found out her father left. This event is what started her roller coaster ride of depression, insecurity and abandonment issues:
It feels like a memory. I think it’s supposed to be.
I remember my dad.
Stupid f**ker couldn’t even say it to our faces.
He was the best dad. He smiled a lot. He laughed and told jokes. My mother would do that eye roll thing but her facial expression told us she was very much in love with the buffoon.
And then he left and didn’t look back.
Just like that.
I think I remember the day – it was really hot. My friend had left for the weekend, or was it for good? It’s all a blur now but my best friend wasn’t there. She wasnt there to witness my life go to utter shit around me.
I remember walking into my hot bedroom. I remember I took my top off and, in my bra and shorts, I picked up a letter that had my name on it. It was on my dressing table. It was handwritten. It was my dads handwriting.
I remember looking for my mum in the house. It was silent. No music, no TV. No voices. Silence.
I remember thinking, ‘where is everybody?’
The house was silent.
I unfolded the letter. I read my fathers beautiful handwriting. And I felt my soul breaking into pieces.
Darling, this pains me so much but I have no other way to say it. My marriage with your mother is over and I have moved out of the house. I didn’t mean to fall in love with Sophia. You are young my love, you will understand soon enough that these things are beyond our control. I promise you will understand and I promise you will be able to forgive me one day.
Your mother and I have not had a happy marriage for many many years and this has nothing to do with you or your brother and sister. I want you all to know that I love you very much but I must follow my heart – and my heart says it needs to be with Sophia, here with – “…
I think by that point I had screwed up the letter and flushed it down the can. I remember feeling rage I had never experienced before. It had only been the week before that we were shopping for a new suit. He said it was for work. Maybe it was for Sophia.
Sophia. Sophia Marquez. I think she was Spanish. Or was it Venezuelan? One of the two I think.
My fathers lover.
I wasn’t mad at her. A single woman falling in love with a man isn’t a crime. A married man with a family falling in love with another woman and leaving his family is the crime.
It was after this I committed a crime too.
I killed the motherf**ker.
Now its over to you guys – show me what you got!